Ignore the media whining — today's dads do more than ever, at work AND at home



The American dad has spent the last 40 years serving as the culture’s favorite punching bag.

From the misanthropic, couch-locked Al Bundy in "Married... with Children" to the bumbling, well-meaning hazard-to-himself Phil Dunphy in "Modern Family," Hollywood conditioned us to view fathers as overgrown teenagers.

The massive domestic imbalance that has inspired a million angry think pieces is virtually nonexistent in the data.

They were the morons who couldn't find the milk in an open fridge even after moving everything except the milk, the slow-witted domestic saboteurs who would accidentally incinerate the kitchen if left unattended for 20 minutes.

For decades, the consensus was clear: Men were biologically, or perhaps pathologically, unfit for adult responsibility.

Different breed

Then came the modern panic over falling birth rates, and the blame was promptly dumped at the feet of these cinematic man-children. Women, the conventional wisdom claimed, were refusing to breed because men refused to grow up. If only dads would stop playing video games, put on pants, and learn how to operate a vacuum, fertility rates would soar.

It's a convenient narrative. The only problem is that it happens to be wrong. A recent report from the Institute for Family Studies dismantles it entirely. The myth of the detached, useless dad is officially dead.

Far from dodging domestic duties, modern American fathers are putting in an enormous amount of time at home.

In the mid-1960s, a married father with young children spent fewer than 10 hours per week on household chores and child care combined. Never mind the all the other hours spent earning the money to put a roof overhead and food on the table — the average dad had a reputation for being terminally checked out, loafing through family life behind the sports pages.

That stereotype is now hopelessly out of date. Today, married fathers spend close to 30 hours per week on household chores and child care. In little more than half a century, paternal involvement has tripled.

Quantity time

Meanwhile, appliances evolved. Washing machines, dishwashers, and robot vacuums eliminated the soul-destroying physical labor of the past, reducing the hours required to maintain a home. But instead of using that freed-up time to drink scotch in a recliner, the modern father rolled up his sleeves and absorbed the extra hours.

Married fathers now spend roughly 45 hours per week directly in the presence of their kids. In other words, dad isn't just providing a paycheck any more. This is a man wearing half a dozen hats: chauffeur, soccer coach, homework warden, amateur therapist, technology troubleshooter, and occasional short-order cook. He is expected to be present for every bedtime routine, school recital, and emotional wobble.

Even Steven

The most shocking revelation from the IFS report comes when you look at the total workload. When researchers tallied up paid employment, unpaid labor, child care, and household obligations, they discovered something remarkable. Today, married mothers and married fathers of young children each average roughly 63 hours per week of combined labor.

The massive domestic imbalance that has inspired a million angry think pieces is virtually nonexistent in the data. Both parents are working long, exhausting hours. Both are making massive personal sacrifices.

This completely flips the fertility debate on its head. If fathers are already maxed out, increasing paternal participation isn't the magic cure for declining birth rates. More importantly, it tears up the old script that men can't be trusted with a grocery list, let alone a young child.

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Bubble-wrapped childhood

However, this hyper-involved, positive picture of modern fatherhood does come with an important caveat: the rise of over-parenting. In the past, parents let their children wander the neighborhood until the streetlights came on — partly out of trust and partly because they just wanted them out of their sight.

Today, children are rarely left unsupervised. Teenagers spend less time with friends, neighborhoods are less connected than they once were, and parents increasingly feel obliged to schedule every waking minute of their children's lives. What used to be an afternoon of "go outside and be home by dinner" now requires a color-coded calendar.

This total elimination of childhood freedom has created a new kind of claustrophobic family dynamic. By bubble-wrapping their offspring, modern dads are inadvertently raising a generation of anxious, hyper-dependent kids who can't make a decision without a text thread consultation.

Thank a dad

Furthermore, this extreme devotion has exacted a heavy toll on men's mental health. Time is finite. Every hour spent curating a child's resume or driving to a travel-team baseball game in another state is an hour stolen from personal maintenance. There are only so many hours in a day. Increasingly, fathers have paid for their expanded responsibilities with their own leisure, hobbies, and friendships. The modern dad has sacrificed his own social survival network on the altar of family responsibility.

Despite the dangers of helicopter parenting, the overarching reality is shifting toward something undeniably positive. American fathers didn’t shy away from changing social expectations. If anything, they adapted with remarkable speed. If the old model of fatherhood was largely financial, the new model demands presence, participation, and constant engagement. And, as the report shows, millions of fathers have embraced it.

So this Father's Day, if you're lucky enough to still have one, thank your dad. And if you've spent years insisting fathers don't show up, don't care, or don't pull their weight, the evidence suggests you might owe him an apology as well.

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A real nation knows who is in and who is out



After decades of brutal race and gender politics from the left, conservatives began treating identity itself as toxic. That reaction is understandable after fighting a sinister ideology for years, but ignoring identity is not an option. Human beings need a firm sense of who they are and where they belong. Progressives exploited that impulse in twisted, artificial ways, but the impulse remains natural and healthy.

As the United States confronts mass immigration, the question “What is an American?” has become unavoidable on the right once again. It is a question about identity. For the first time in decades, conservatives must navigate one of the most important parts of human life.

Defining American identity will be difficult, but it begins with friction. Borders must be closed and illegal aliens deported. That part is nonnegotiable.

Identity feels dangerous because it is dangerous. From the beginning of time, identity has been something men kill and die for. People can fight over voluntary commitments, but identity largely consists of things we did not choose. We do not choose where we are born or to whom. We do not choose to be a brother, sister, son, or daughter. Even religion, though it requires voluntary practice, is usually inherited before it is chosen.

Identity is what you cannot leave behind, often because you never chose it in the first place.

That is why identity produces existential conflict. Its involuntary nature means people cannot simply opt out when the pressure rises. If someone wants to kill everyone who likes the movie “Jaws,” you can stop being a fan. If someone wants to kill everyone born English, you cannot stop being English. You have no option but to fight.

This explains why the post-World War II consensus tried to suppress as many thick identities as possible. If people lack strong attachments to heritage, tradition, nation, or religion, they are less likely to treat those attachments as matters of life and death. The impulse is understandable. No sane person wants another war of religion or world war fought over nationalism.

But the shift carries a cost. Without the boundaries of nation and religion, we drift toward open-borders globalism, which is deeply unhealthy.

A nation without identity has no coherent sense of the public good. The man whose family has lived in America since the founding has different priorities from a newly arrived immigrant hoping to move his extended family here. The Christian who wants his faith reflected in his ancestral nation has conflicting interests with the Muslim who wants his new home to implement Sharia law.

The state cannot remain neutral between these visions. It must decide which identity takes priority and which public good it will pursue. Neutrality is a lie. Identity is inescapable.

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Blaze Media Illustration

As America tries to unwind the open-borders disaster liberalism produced, the need for concrete identity becomes obvious. Illegal immigration is a massive problem, but legal immigration has also been destructive. If being American means more than obtaining paperwork, uncomfortable lines must be drawn. Identities are inherently exclusive. Some people are in, and some people are out.

That feels dangerous because it is. But we no longer have the luxury of avoidance. Turning a blind eye to these questions created the mess. We will not escape it by doing the same thing again.

Modern people like rigid categories, but identity has always had strong centers with some flexibility at the margins. A traditional biological family is the best outcome and should be preferred above alternatives, but an adopted child can still become part of a family. People know what a woman is, but progressives exploit overly rigid definitions to destroy the category. If you say a woman is someone who can bear children, they immediately point to a sterile female and ask whether she is still a woman.

The rigid category becomes the tool of deconstruction.

Identity should be understood not merely as a scientific fact or a voluntary choice, but as a situated-ness that draws us toward particular ends. Americans are born with inalienable rights, but also particular duties. Our identities as Americans, Christians, sons, brothers, or fathers should cost us something. They are not merely about rights, choices, and freedoms. They are also about limits.

There are things you cannot be when you are a father, a Christian, or an American. These categories are flexible, but they are not fluid.

Our globalist order hates borders and limits because they create friction for economies of scale. McDonald’s wants to sell the same hamburger to everyone the same way. If it must accommodate Hindus or Catholics, or close Sunday in America and Saturday in Israel, efficiency and profitability suffer. Uniformity maximizes scale. That is why governments, corporations, and NGOs work to homogenize every population on earth.

But identity should create friction. People need borders and limits. Only when we know who we are and who we are not can we chart a beneficial course for our nation.

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Blaze Media Illustration

Defining American identity will be difficult, but it begins with friction. Borders must be closed and illegal aliens deported. That part is nonnegotiable. Legal immigration should be radically limited, or ended altogether, until we work through this crisis. Every tribe has had a path for outsiders to join, but the cost should be steep. If someone is granted the gracious opportunity to become American, it should require real sacrifice.

The Bible gives us a model in Ruth, who abandons her homeland and pledges, “Your people will be my people, and your God my God.” She does not cling to her former identity. She leaves her former people, her former gods, and marries into the tribe.

Becoming part of the Hebrew people involved friction. It came at great cost. That is how you know it was worth it.

To be American is to be distinct and set apart. If anyone is to have the privilege of joining that identity, it should be difficult. Only through sacrifice can a stranger prove worthy of our great nation.

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The one word that can help you use technology — without letting it use you



Technology. I’m not a “technology writer” by any stretch of the imagination, but I find myself writing about it a lot.

I don’t opine about the next breakthroughs in AI or the newest generation of iPads that are set to be released at the end of Q3. Are there new iPads coming out in Q3? I don’t know. I’m not a technology writer.

But it is the most viable and scalable path forward in a world oversaturated with digital technology.

But I do think a lot about the role of technology in our lives. About the way we live differently alongside it and how we are shaped in strange ways by it.

Same but different

In some ways, it’s a very 21st-century concern. Technology — digital technology in particular — has been advancing at an unparalleled rate in our century, and it doesn’t seem to show any signs of slowing.

But, of course, technology didn't begin with the digital. Cars are technology. The washing machine was once cutting-edge technology. Same for the printing press, the mechanical clock, and the wheel. Technology has been around, advancing, and disrupting for a long time.

We live in a post-assembly-line world. That term — the assembly line — isn’t even particularly interesting to us. Same with the Industrial Revolution. That’s just something boring we learned about (and then promptly forgot) in middle school.

But the Industrial Revolution and the assembly line were quite radical at one point. They changed the way people work, and they disrupted society. A fair share of the carnage of the 20th century is due, in part, to the disruptions of the Industrial Revolution.

The train changed the way we move, the printing press changed how we learn, the telephone made us closer even when we were farther, the radio made mass society possible, the television made books less relevant, and the invention of the washing machine — yes, the mundane washing machine — played some role in the social revolutions of the 1960s.

All-consuming

In this sense, the age of AI is no different from the steam age. In another sense, however, it is unlike any technological revolution we have ever experienced: far more immersive and all-consuming than anything that came before.

Because it is more possible than ever to always be connected to everyone on earth in a perpetual state of latent distraction and worry, our time presents unique challenges for all thinking people who want to live a decent life that might be be hard to recognize to those who came before us.

For a few, the answer is blowing it all up. For many more, the answer is embracing every single aspect of every new form of digital technology imaginable like a dog lapping up fresh water. Both are wrong. The extreme answers are often the most alluring because they only require addressing one decision point. This way or that way? Once you settle on which, you just scale it out the whole way and set the cruise control.

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Split the difference

Yes, as with most things, the middle path is the way forward. I know, it’s not sexy, and it’s not at all alluring. Moderation never is. But it is the most viable and scalable path forward in a world oversaturated with digital technology.

Intentional technology use — that’s what it is, and that’s what we will call it. That first word is the key word: intentional. Most of the drift into toxic technology consumption and brain rot is due to being less than intentional in terms of how one uses technology.

Defaulting to “just using the phone” or “just asking Grok” or “just scrolling” because you have some time to waste. Concluding that watching more, streaming more, scrolling more, and outsourcing more of your decision-making to technology because there isn’t anything inherently wrong or immoral about it.

That kind of unintentional approach to technology can quickly lead to surrendering all of your agency to the bots. As the gamers would put it, you go from being a player to one of those automatons the player meets along the way: a non-player character.

Best intentions

To use technology intentionally is to ask if we can do it ourselves before enlisting digital help. Intentional technology use is asking ourselves if we like ourselves when we use some product, app, or digital service — and, if the answer is no, changing course.

Intentional technology use is setting aside time apart from technology so we can remember what it means to be purely human. Intentional technology use is about balancing convenience and thoughtfulness. It’s about managing the speed of the modern world without losing the pace of organic human society.

Intentional technology use isn’t about making everyone’s choices regarding technology the exact same. People will decide differently. Everyone’s lives won’t be alike. That’s a feature, not a bug.

The key is that first word — intention. Without that, we're just floating down the stream, pushed wherever the currents of technological progress take us. The 21s century is unlikely to become less complicated. To thrive as humans in this most disruptive of times, we must keep asking ourselves the fundamental question: Who are we, and who do we want to be?

Jesse Ridgway turned a child’s death into content



Every parent knows the moment. The phone call. The ultrasound. The doctor walking back into the room. The uncertainty.

We all tell some version of the same joke: “I just hope the baby has 10 fingers and 10 toes.” We spend nine months praying for a healthy baby. We celebrate reassuring scans. We cling to every piece of good news.

Some decisions are so intimate and consequential that they do not belong in the marketplace of clicks and comments.

But over those nine months, we learn the ultimate lesson of parenthood and life: We are not in control.

Last week, the country got a front-row seat to one family’s struggle with that lesson. Jesse Ridgway, a YouTuber known as “McJuggerNuggets” with more than 4 million subscribers, took to X to update followers on a pregnancy he and his wife had documented for months.

“This week, my wife and I made the very difficult decision to terminate the pregnancy due to Trisomy 21,” Ridgway wrote. He added that he had not realized the child would be “fully dependent on others for the rest of their life.” He concluded, “We made a difficult decision that we believe in the long run will be beneficial for our family.”

I suppose the baby was not yet considered part of the family.

I do not doubt that the Ridgways were scared. Every parent can sympathize with fear. Every parent can sympathize with grief over shattered expectations. But what happened next was not merely a story about fear. It was a story about what we do with fear.

The entire enterprise of parenthood is uncertainty.

Healthy babies develop cancer. Healthy babies lose their sight. Healthy babies suffer traumatic brain injuries. Healthy babies develop learning disabilities. Healthy babies struggle with addiction. The moment you become a parent, you sign a contract with uncertainty.

Parenthood does not give you guarantees. It gives you responsibility.

We do not love our children because of the outcomes they produce. We love them because they are ours. If a child develops a disability at age 6, do we decide his life no longer has value? Of course not.

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Then why would we decide that at 6 months in the womb?

What is so unique about Down syndrome? It involves suffering, imperfection, and uncertainty. But so does every human life. Down syndrome simply makes those realities visible sooner.

The question is not whether this child would face challenges. The question is why challenges suddenly make a life disposable.

If Down syndrome is enough to make a life disposable before birth, what other conditions qualify? Blindness? Autism? Cerebral palsy? A missing limb? A learning disability?

Where exactly is the line?

I will make this personal. Our second child faced a possible cystic fibrosis diagnosis. The meeting with the specialist was dark. She was preparing us for devastating news. I remember sitting in my car afterward, calling my dad, and bawling my eyes out.

But the conversation was never, “Should this child live?” The conversation was, “How do we prepare to raise this child?”

That distinction matters.

Fast-forward to our fourth child, now 5 months old. Her scans showed what doctors believed was a significant kidney defect that would require either in-utero surgery or surgery immediately after birth. Again, my wife and I were terrified. Again, we began preparing.

And again, it was all for nothing.

In both cases, the doctors were wrong.

Doctors are incredibly skilled. They are not prophets. A probability is not a person.

Ridgway mentioned that doctors told him and his wife that up to 90% of women terminate after learning their child has Trisomy 21. That statistic is often cited as evidence of how difficult these diagnoses can be.

I see it differently.

I see it as evidence of how quickly our culture has confused hardship with hopelessness.

This hit me on another personal level. I volunteer at a special-needs ministry. Some of the happiest people I know have Down syndrome. Through all their challenges, they radiate a level of joy, affection, and sincerity that our country desperately needs.

After reading Ridgway’s announcement, I could not stop wondering what one of them would think if he read it. Imagine opening your phone and discovering that people are publicly discussing whether lives like yours are worth living. Imagine being told that your diagnosis makes your existence negotiable.

Parenthood can never be reduced to consumer choice. Children are not products we order. They are gifts we receive.

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The deepest moments of parenthood often arrive when life refuses to follow the script. A parent’s love is measured by what remains after expectations disappear.

The decision itself was not the only thing that struck me. So did the need to announce it.

Some moments should produce reflection, not engagement. Some decisions are so intimate and consequential that they do not belong in the marketplace of clicks and comments. Have we reached the point where even the death of a child becomes content?

As of this writing, Ridgway’s post has more than 24 million views.

He has faced a mountain of criticism online, much of it hateful and cruel. As a Christian, I am taught to hate the sin and not the sinner. I will leave judgment to God.

But I hope this tragic and very public episode forces us to think carefully about what parenthood requires.

A child does not earn the right to live by meeting our expectations.

Parenthood begins when we decide to love a child even when life does not unfold the way we hoped. The measure of parenthood is not how we respond when life follows the script.

It is how we respond when it does not.

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